Happy bad birthday
Well it's my birthday......whoo hoo (can you sense the sarcastic tone?). This is a really bad birthday for me so far. Me and 'A' are over. For good this time. I know I said it in the past but this time its really over. He likes me alot but doesn't want a gf. He told me this on saturday, that he didn't want it to end but... like what the hell does that even mean?? So I convinced him to give it a try anyways and I'll show him how good it could be bc hes scared.By sunday I talked to him he still had a tone in his voice that says "I don't really want this" and he came here yesterday and yea..... I couldn't even look at him but yet I stared directly into his eyes. I saw like for me and care but distance. I couldn't take it anymore so I told him that I know he really doesn't want this and its time for it to be over.
After 4 months if he still feels the same then yea theres no point in continuing. I'm not a doormat. All he kept saying was "I like you alot and am scared to loose you" and "I don't want this to end but.." I maybe would of kept trying but with that "but" there you know that hes not feeling the same that I am. I know I did the right thing but I kept feeling doubt like I didn't give him enough time.... I know I shouldnt feel like that. I guess apart of me doesn't want to be single either. I hate it I want a bf to share things with. Still, I can't stay with him and pretend that our relationship is good bc I want a bf. Its scary too bc hes really the only guy that I was back and forth with for 3 years. Yea, I've had crushes on other guys but hes really been the only one that I dated off and on for 3 years. It's hard. Specially today, everyones calling me wishing me a happy birthday and everytime I hear that I just want to scream "whats so good and happy bout it?" and cry. Todays going to be hard. *sigh*
posted by sleeplessly_single @ 8:38 AM
