The past, present and future
The Past:U ever hear someone say the past can haunt you? It kinda did for me today.... well not just today but this week. I was told I have troubles letting things go from the past, I mean maybe this person is right but apparently I guess some people from the past have troubles letting me go to so I don't feel so bad haha. Seans from the past he was my first love. My first real boyfriend... my first everything. We dated for over a year. It kinda ended badly, I mean we were young. We saw each other once at the bar before, had small talk and that was that pretty much. My friend Lisa, we were like best friends out of high school. We hung out all the time... super close till she wasn't really being a good friend and dated this asshole guy and that was that. I didn't hear from her again....
The Present:
Lisa called me today. It was soo weird like out of no where. I wasn't home there was a messaged on my machine saying "hey its lisa, wanted to catch up call me back." After a long debate on whether to phone back or not I did. It was weird but good to hear from her. I dunno if we'll ever savage a friendship again like before but it was nice to hear from her. We are going to go for coffee, catch up and stuff. She sounds like she needs a friend right now and I know even after 2 years and her not being a very good friend to me I'm still here if she needs me. Damn this good nature of mine right haha. I'm not going to let her walk all over me or anything but sometimes when it comes down to it you need a good friend, a shoulder to cry on and I won't turn that away even after 15 years. A true friend never shuns you even after sooo many years.
Sean.... wow. I always kinda wanted to talk to him again. I'd picture it in my head and how it would go. Sometimes I think deep down inside I truly want him back and miss him.. I was searching on myspace one night during work haha and clicked on this random guy out of no where. I scrolled down his page and poof there was a pic of him! I messaged this guy and asked if Sean had msn and he gave me his addy. I added him and one day he signed on and we talked! Soooooo weird. It was alot of small talk really. Alot of computer akewardness haha too. But I found out the stuff I was curious about. He acted like he didnt know who I was or remember anything bout me at first but then after a while of talking he said some old stories about us that he would only remember if he cared about me. Kinda nice. Kinda scary. Kinda weird haha. I have mixed emotions talking to him. I feel.. I dunno really. I thought maybe I want him back but I was with 'A' last night (yes were hanging out again theres a story im not getting into haha) and realized that maybe I dont want sean back and that 'A' does mean more to me then I let on. Still it was nice and weird talking to these people this week...
The Future:
Not sure what the future has instore for me lately.. getting kinda interesting I hope it takes a good turn *Knocks on wood* I do wanna see 'A' again... things seem to be going good between us. We'll see if Sean and I ever get together for coffee like I suggested (he said "maybe, we'll see"). That would be the only way to see if feelings are still there to see him. Going out with Lisa will be interesting, she had a baby and I interested to see her daughter. Oh and 'E' is pregnant. Shes one ofmy best friends and just told me today. Im still in denial tho haha. But wow, crazyness I know theres soo many ppl around her to help her and she sounds like shes got some things under control. Still its still scary and I'm going to be there for her soo much like she would for me! So I'm getting tired tho too much thinking today I tell ya.. Until next time..
posted by sleeplessly_single @ 9:53 PM
